The False Memoires of Edie Stone: Doomed
by Secret Slayer
Summary: Prequel to The Key. Edie Stone's memories may be fake, but they explain a lot! Spike is feeling depressed about losing his ability to be scary, so Edie tries to cheer him up.
1. Doomed

**AN: **The first entry. The timeline for this will be random and jump across seasons. It will all be pre-season 5 and show how Spike and Edie's relationship developed, but also just tell general stories from her life pre-season 5. If there are any scenes or episodes you would like me to write a Spike/Edie twist for, let me know. Please review!

**Summary:** AU scene from the episode Doomed... After Xander and Willow walk in on Spike trying to dust himself, they ask Edie to babysit him... which is easier said than done.

**The False Memoires of Edie Stone**

**By Secret Slayer**

**Doomed**

"What the bloody hell do you want?"

I close the door behind me and it shuts with a gentle click. I can feel my heart racing and I blush, knowing the vampire will be able to sense my nervousness. Spike can't hurt me, that's a proven fact, but being around the vampire still makes me nervous. My ongoing crush for the evil fiend doesn't help any.

"Willow told me you tried to dust yourself," I say carefully, leaning back against the closed door, not yet brave enough to walk any closer.

He sits on our sofa with tense shoulders and his jaw clenched as though he's trying with great difficulty to restrain himself from doing something. All the lights are off in the lounge except for a small lamp beside him which casts a deceptive warmth across his dead skin. He's wearing a god awful Hawaiian shirt that belongs to Xander and its difficult to take the undead man seriously. I value my life too much to laugh though. Chip or no chip, I'm not tempting fate.

"Did she now?" he asks. "Nosey bint shouldn't get involved."

I roll my eyes. "Do you have to be a jerk all of the time?"

He frowns and slowly turns his head in my direction. My heart thumps wildly in my chest when dangerous blue eyes lock with my own. The corner of his mouth turns up in a languid smirk.

"Well, well, look who's grown a pair," he drawls. His head tilts to the side as he examines me. "You know, you're nothing like that cousin of yours."

He's trying to weaken my defences - looking at me with those ... those silly eyes. God, those eyes are amazing. He runs his tongue over his teeth. Focus Edie!

"Don't change the subject Spike," I say, but my voice isn't as strong as I want it to be and I cringe.

He shrugs nonchalantly, "Just sayin' you're more fun is all. Not so uptight."

I choose to ignore his continued efforts to keep off topic. "I've been sent to baby sit you. Stop you from dusting yourself. You're pathetic, Spike."

He laughs, grabbing the remote to his side and turning the television on. He doesn't look at me when he talks to me.

"The way your heart beats pet, I can tell you don't think I'm pathetic," he says, his voice as silky as a purr. "I only have to look at you and you flinch. Don't know why you panic so, I wouldn't bite you. You're the only one out of the lot I can stand."

"Seriously?" I ask, genuinely flattered. I mentally slap myself for letting his words get to me.

His focus breaks from the screen in front of him and he straightens his posture, giving me a brief glance. "Doesn't make us friends."

I roll my eyes at his attempt to cover his tracks. "Wouldn't want to be."

We fall quiet and he watches the television, but I sense that he's not really watching what's on the screen at all. I shift awkwardly. I don't know why I agreed to this. I should have gone with the guys to the high school to help prevent the apocalypse. I always got stuck with babysitting duty. If it wasn't Dawn, it was the suicidal bleached vampire. I wish I had cool super powers. I hated being the dependable, boring one.

"You look silly," I suddenly blurt out.

Spike turns the television off and glares at me, "Excuse me?"

"With that daft shirt and... and the trousers! What kind of vampire are you?"

His jaw drops with shock and closes, then reopens, "Thought you were supposed to be cheering me up."

I shrug, "Actually, Buffy just wanted to keep you alive until we were completely up to date with those commando guys. The cheering up was my idea."

"You _care _if I dust myself?" he asks, raising a scarred eyebrow at me.

I duck my head, embarrassed at my slip of showing any genuine feelings towards the vampire. "I wouldn't go that far. Just think it's wrong that you should dust yourself. You've been around for the last couple of years, it would be weird if you... you know, died."

"Already dead, pet."

This time I glare at him for continuously picking holes in what I'm saying. "You know what I mean."

He looks at me with a confused stare, his brow furrowing. "Actually, not sure I do."

"Grab your coat, we're going out," I suddenly say, desperate to change the topic.

He raises an eyebrow and smirks devilishly, "Taking me on a date cutie?"

I scoff – a forced reaction – at his reply, "No. We're gonna help Buffy. Being stuck here alone with you is too much to bear."

I tried to sound irritated, tried to sound sick of the blood sucking fiend. Honestly I did, but damn it, he just reads straight through me. He stands from the sofa and strides towards me before I even have time to blink. Suddenly he's so close I can feel his cold breath on my face and that ugly shirt brushes against the front of my blouse. I press back against the closed door, trying to find an escape that isn't there. He lifts a hand and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. I shiver involuntarily, closing my eyes to try and control my reaction to his closeness. He chuckles lowly.

"I'm not so bad to be around," he says, his voice near my ear.

I open my eyes, surprised to see him leaning so close. It takes me a moment to compute. With some reluctance, I gain common sense and shove him away. He stumbles back only slightly and continues to smirk at me.

"You're a pig, Spike," I spit out.

"Singing Buffy's tune now, are we?" he retorts.

"You know what, forget it," I sigh with exasperation and pull out a stake I always keep in my back pocket.

I toss it towards him and he fumbles to catch it, surprised. He looks down at the wooden weapon, before looking back up to me.

"Go on Spike, dust yourself. Save me from this bloody torment," I snap.

I turn and open the door, storming out. I grab my coat from the bottom of the stairs and fling the front door open. I'm half way down the drive when I hear footsteps jogging towards me. I don't bother to turn around, but I slow slightly so he can easily catch up.

"Hey now, don't be like that," he says.

I stop and glare at him. My heart drops slightly when I notice the expression on the vampire's face. He looks ... worried?

"I was just messin' with you luv," he continues.

He sheepishly holds out the stake and I look at it dubiously before taking it back.

"You know Spike, I'm pretty much the only person who's willing to be nice to you right now," I say, unable to conceal my frustration. "You're not the Big Bad anymore."

He opens his mouth to argue, but I put my index finger on his lips to silence him. He looks down at my finger pressed against his lips and then back to me. I quickly pull my hand back.

"Might not kill you to be nice to me," I grumble, turning and heading down the drive again.

"I'm a vampire," he says, "I don't do nice."

"Yeah well, I'm the slayer's cousin, I should hate you, but here I am, trying to help you anyway."

He stops following me and I blush, realising my slip.

"You don't hate me?" he asks.

I turn slowly, biting my bottom lip. He looks at me expectantly, surprisingly vulnerable.

"It's hard to hate a guy who looks like that," I say, pointing towards his horrible outfit. I grin cheekily. "Doesn't exactly put the fear of god in a gal, you know."

He glares back at me, the vulnerability gone. "I change my mind. Give me that stake."

"Nope."

I continue walking and he trudges begrudgingly alongside me.

"Do I even look remotely scary anymore?" he asks honestly.

"Not really," I reply honestly.

His shoulders sag sadly. I sigh. "But you know, we'll get you new clothes and then you can look bad ass again."

He smiles briefly. "Thanks ever so. Not really the same though."

"If you want, I'll pretend to be really terrified every time I see you," I say enthusiastically.

"You'd do that for me?"

"Sure," I answer.

We walk in silence until we reach the high school. The ground trembles and we rush into the building. I'm about to head towards where I think the library used to be, when Spike grabs my arm. I stop, more out of surprise than anything. I look at him.

"Try not to die," he says gruffly.

And then he runs ahead and I smile as he disappears around the corner. Spike said something nice. Hope for the blood sucker yet.

The ground shakes violently and I almost lose my footing. Right, apocalypse approaching. First things first - help Buffy save the world _and then_ focus on Spike's unlikely redemption.

Very unlikely redemption.

And new clothes. Definitely needs new clothes.


	2. The Bathtub Incident

**AN:** Okay so I had originally planned to write this as a long fic, but instead I'm writing a series of one shots. I have written this as a stand alone too, but thought if you are following this story, you might miss the next instalment thinking I'm going to update here. So this is the last update to this fic, just a heads up... The rest will be one shots... I hope that made sense. Sorry for those who might read this again! Please review :)

**AN**: Spike escapes from Xander's basement and makes a deal with Edie.

**The Bathtub Incident**

**By Secret Slayer**

"Spike, what the hell are you doing here?!"

The vampire almost chokes on his beer at the sudden sound of my voice. His shoulders sag and he heavily puts his bottle on the bar surface, almost smashing it in the process. A couple sitting at the bar look at him nervously, before getting up and moving away. Spike smirks after the couple and I think he's forgotten I'm there, so I bravely prod him in the chest. He looks down at me and then rolls his eyes.

"Oh bloody hell," he grumbles.

"Did you escape again? Does Xander even bother to tie you up anymore?"

Instinctively, I reach into my purse to grab my cell phone and call Buffy. Typically, it's at the bottom of my purse and I'm too focused rummaging around to prepare myself for the ice cold touch that suddenly grips to my wrist. I yelp and jump, bumping into a large guy behind me. He gives me an angry look, but Spike quickly meets his gaze and with a flash of amber eyes, the man thinks twice and shuffles away, mumbling something under his breath. I look at Spike curiously, before remembering his grip on my wrist. I twist my arm back.

"Geez Spike, get some gloves," I say and he replies with an unimpressed glare.

I start to dig back in my purse, briefly wondering why the vampire hasn't run away yet. There's no way I could catch him and he could probably make it a fair distance before I'd even told Buffy he's escaped. My fingers skim plastic and I smile brightly, grabbing my phone and pulling it out.

He snatches it from my hand with lightening speed.

"Hey!" I yell, "Give it back!"

I jump to get it back, but he holds it higher. I grab his lapels and try to pull him down so I can reach my phone, but he's too strong and it's like trying to move stone. He chuckles at my efforts. With his free hand, he pushes against my forehead until I'm arm's reach away. I frown and swat his hand away.

"Now, now, if you're a good girl I might give this back," he says cockily, pushing his tongue behind his top teeth and raising both eyebrows.

I glare at him. "What are you playing at Spike?"

"I want to make a deal," he says seriously, nodding towards the bartender for another drink.

The bartender slides a beer towards Spike without question. Clearly, the young man knows the vampire isn't to be messed with. I doubt Spike even has to pay.

"And one for the lady," Spike orders. The man nods dutifully.

"I don't drink," I say instantly.

He rolls his eyes, "Live a little. Not the first time I've bought you a drink pet. Or have you forgotten our little dance?"

His voice is suddenly low and it sends tingles through my entire body. I remember our dance perfectly well. It had been on the first night we met, whilst he was stalking Buffy, right here in the Bronze. I try to ignore the wonderfully wrong memory flooding my brain.

"Buffy won't make a deal with you Spike," I retort as I take the drink he holds out for me. I smile kindly at the bartender and I sense he appreciates it, but is too scared of the vampire standing closely beside me, almost protectively, to keep eye contact for more than a few seconds. He edges away and serves a pretty girl at the other end of the bar.

"Who said anything about the Slayer?"

This time I almost choke on my drink. "You want to make a deal with me? Why?"

He looks at me evenly, "I don't entirely hate you."

"Gee, thanks," I grumble.

"And I know you won't dust me in my sleep," he continues casually. "You and that cousin of yours are pretty close, right?"

I narrow my eyes suspiciously at him. "Yeah, she's my best friend."

He nods confidently, clearly pleased with my response. I watch him patiently, waiting for his next remark. I have no idea where he's going with this and my heart begins to beat faster with anticipation. Spike has a habit of making my heart do that. I'm sure it has nothing to do with those beautifully blue eyes and perfectly full lips that rest among cheek bones so well defined, I'm sure they've been designed by some higher being. There's no doubt the blood sucking, well former blood sucking fiend, is easy on the eyes.

For the first time, I notice the music change. Spike's head tilts to the side as though he's trying to hear it more clearly. My breath catches in my throat when I recognize the song. It's the song from our first encounter - our dance. I still don't know what its called or who sings it, but every beat is ingrained in my mind. My eyes close briefly as I recall what is was like to be in the vampire's arms, both utterly vulnerable, but completely safe at the same time. I'm not sure if I am imagining the smell of his leather jacket or if whilst my eyes were closed, he's drifted close enough that I can actually smell it again. When my eyes flutter open, I realize he is closer.

A sly smirk dances on his lips and I know for a fact that he recognizes this song as well. He looks at me with an intensity that makes my entire body hum. I want to run away and throw myself towards him all at the same time. I wonder if he'll comment on it or if he'll ask me to dance again - a part of me wants him to. I briefly wonder why it is we've never acted like enemies as we should do. Why is it that there's been this spark between us from the very start? Is it just attraction? Is it because I'm related to the Slayer? Or is there something genuine beneath the surface? I'm so caught up in this bizarre, but oddly brilliant moment, that his next words shock me even more than they would have done normally.

"I want to stay with you," he says.

This time I do choke on my drink.

"What?!" I squeak.

"That basement is driving me bloody insane. Demon girl makes my ears bleed and the boy is unbearable. I wouldn't even bite the sod," he rants and takes a deep, unneeded breath before continuing in a more calm tone, "I know too bloody well I couldn't get out of this hell hole of a town without the Slayer dragging me back, no doubt with my nose in a god awful state. Slayer stays at college most of the time, right? So it would just be Snack-Size, Joyce and you."

I sigh sympathetically, "Spike, I know you hate it at Xander's but you know... you are evil, so I kinda don't care," I lie. I do care. God help me, I care a lot.

He grabs me by my bare upper arms, his hands almost wrapping entirely around them, and he winces when his chip fires. His jaw clenches as the wave of pain subsides and my eyes drift down to the large, pale hands on my fragile tanned arms. Guiltily, I think how much I enjoy the feel of his skin on mine, even if his grip was a little too tight. He's a vampire, for goodness sake! He loosens his grip and I'm briefly worried he'll let go all together. He doesn't, which I'm happy about, but the skin beneath his finger tips throbs slightly. That'll bruise in the morning. "Please luv, don't make me go back."

"Why should I help you?" I ask steadily, looking at his face warily.

He looks thoughtful for a moment, his hands still on my arms. I take a deep, shaky breath, trying to control the feelings coursing through me as his closeness becomes painfully obvious. I can feel his cold breath tickle the skin on my face as he exhales. Why does he exhale anyway? Stupid vampire doesn't even breathe.

"I've never tried to bite you?" he says hopefully.

I roll my eyes. "That doesn't really mean a lot when you nearly kill everyone else I know."

"Oh c'mon luv, help a vamp out," he sighs with exasperation. "I'll be on my best behaviour."

He pouts and gives me puppy-dog eyes. I giggle at the stupidity of this situation. Buffy is going to kill me.

"Fine," I huff.

He smiles brightly, reaches back to the bar and gulps down the last of his drink.

"I'm still tying you up," I say sternly.

He smirks and raises a single eyebrow. He doesn't need to comment to make me blush and know what he's thinking.

"Buffy's going to freak out!"

I finish tying Spike to the bathtub. I look at my efforts dubiously. I'm pretty sure I can't tie a knot strong enough to contain a vampire, but we had a deal and I'm desperately hoping the vampire can keep to his word. I'd keep him relatively comfortable and out of harm's way if he promised to behave himself and stop escaping.

Pfft, as if Spike can behave himself. This is a stupid idea. What was I thinking?!

"I know Dawnie," I sigh, glancing down at the vampire.

He wriggles, trying to get comfortable in the bathtub and then looks down at the chipped black polish on his nails. He squirms a little and rolls his shoulders, before looking up at me.

"Could give a bloke a cushion," he grumbles.

"Don't push it vampy," I retort.

"Mom's making you hot chocolate," Dawn announces eagerly to Spike.

The vampire grins broadly and leans back in the bath as far as the ropes will allow.

"Now, this is more like it," he says.

I give the vampire an irritated look before I usher my little cousin out of the bathroom. She rambles on about how cool it is that Spike lives with us. I try to remind her he's not a guest, but a hostage – a prisoner, but she's young, naive and has a crush on Spike about as big as mine, so I sigh and let her ramble on.

I skip down the stairs and to the kitchen, where my aunt is putting little marshmallows into Spike's hot chocolate. She tells me she doesn't mind that he stays here and that she believes he's been mistreated by the others. Again, I try to remind her he's not a guest, but it seems Spike has put his magic on her too. Instead, she argues that his chip is a chance for him to redeem himself and that he's never going to do that unless someone is nice to him. I agree with my aunt, but there's still the whole not having a soul issue.

I walk up the stairs, careful not to spill the vampire's hot chocolate. How ridiculous! I turn down the hallway and push the bathroom door open with my foot. I feel my heart sink when I see the ropes sitting limply over the edge of an empty bathtub. The only sign of the vampire ever being there is his coat neatly folded in the corner. Well, at least I know he's still here. He'd never leave that behind.

I check every room, but no sign of the fiend. I practically fly into Dawn's bedroom.

"Hey! Who said you could come in?" Dawn says grumpily.

"Where is he?"

"Who?"

I frown at the brunette teen, "Spike!"

"Oh, I let him go," she says, shrugging casually.

My jaw drops, "You did what?"

"He said he needed the toilet," she replies innocently, looking confused.

I pinch the bridge of my nose with exasperation. "Dawn, vampires don't go to the toilet. They're dead, remember?"

She blushes. "Oopsie."

I walk out of her room, my heart racing with panic.

Stupid, sneaky, bleached, pain in the –

My thoughts are interrupted when I bump into something solid.

Spike is standing idly in the hallway as though he's allowed to do that. He's not. He's not allowed to do anything but sit in the damn bathtub and not move a single bleached hair on that stupid head of his.

"Where the bloody hell did you go?!" I ask harshly.

"I got bored," he replies casually.

He reaches into his back jeans pocket and pulls out a packet of cigarettes. He puts one between his lips and I clear my throat loudly, looking at the offensive little white stick with disapproval, although I am thankful to get the chance to look at those lips. He frowns with annoyance, but I stay firm and eventually after a very juvenile staring contest, he rolls his eyes and removes the cigarette.

I smile triumphantly and point towards the bathroom, "Go back to your bathtub."

"I don't want to," he replies childishly.

"Spike," I groan. "We had a deal."

"Can't I just go in there when the Slayer visits?"

"No."

"I'll be good."

"You're evil."

"I'll be less evil?"

"Fine! But I'm not letting you out of my sight. You take one step out of this house and I'm calling Buffy."

He shrugs nonchalantly, but I can see the smirk as he turns to walk away. He notices his hot chocolate, which I had dumped on a shelf, and swipes it up, taking a hearty gulp as he descends the stairs. I hear the television come on and he and Aunt Joyce begin talking about Passions. I stand in the hallway for a long and unknown amount of time, letting the absurdity and stupidity of the situation sink in. I've basically let Spike move in and do whatever he wants, and ashamedly, I know I'm doing it because I like his company and I've got very wrong and forbidden feelings for him. Eugh, I'm so screwed.

Suddenly, the conversation stops and Spike is rushing up the stairs and walks straight into the bathroom without any hesitation. I frown with confusion, but then I hear the front door open. I brace myself - well, at least he's keeping to the deal.

"Hi guys," Buffy calls.

"This is gonna be funny," Dawn snickers, her head poking out of her bedroom.

I give her a dirty look, but she giggles even more. Buffy walks up the stairs. She takes one look at me and frowns.

"What did you do?"

"Why do you think I've done something?" I ask, trying to sound offended.

She gives me a knowing look, "You have guilt face."

An overwhelming feeling of dread floods over me when I hear Spike begin to whistle something jaunty from inside the bathroom. Oh, he must be loving this. Stupid vampire. Buffy frowns with confusion, before her eyes widen. Either she can recognize its him or her vampire senses are tingling. She gives me one last look, before turning on her heel and heading to the bathroom. She flings the door open. I remain rooted to the spot, my body tense, anticipating what will happen next.

Buffy slams the door shut again and looks at me with a face flushed with anger and utter shock.

"Why the hell is Spike in our bathroom?!"

"Edie said he could live with us," Dawn shouts helpfully from behind me.

I give Buffy a sheepish look and prepare for the lecture.

_The End (for now)_

**_AN:_** Keep an eye out for other one shots in the series!


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